Guys my blog has moved, as of today I have my own website! So if you wish to continue this journey along with me click here. I look forward to seeing y’all there! I know its a little different format but don’t worry everything has been consolidated there and all my posts from both blogs can be found there along with pictures from my trips and the new podcast I am beginning. God Bless! See ya there!
A Trinitarian Love
“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”
John 4:16
Webster’s online dictionary lists a plethora of definitions for love but all revolve around the central concept of feeling a great affection for someone or something and to take great pleasure in that thing. All forms of love are covered in this definition even when it is thrown around to simply describe our sexual attraction to someone or how we feel about chocolate ice cream. Nevertheless all these varying forms and functions of love involve at least two parties, the lover and the loved. But the superficial type of love we feel for ice cream we do not ,for fairly obvious reasons, place on God. Rather God’s love is the type of love in which personal sacrifice is key (John 3:16). Jesus himself says that “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13) If this thought of love is then to be applied to the description of God in John 4:16 where “God is love” we are forced to ask some probing questions. How does the idea of a lover and the loved play into a scenario where God is before time and creation, before there is one to lay oneself down for? (Take note that laying down your life does not particularly mean death but rather a concept of giving of yourself, something that is a sacrifice to you aka selflessness) Could God only become love once he had created something to love? To answer yes to this question would seem to imply that the core essence and nature of God was transformed at one point into Love. But this verse does not say that God loved or is a lover but rather God IS Love and if you ARE something it is not simply a description of what you are like but the substance in which you exist, it is who you are at your very core! It also must be noted that God is outside of our temporal realm and thus is not constricted by our idea of time and space, therefore when scripture tells us that God IS, it is a statement that implies is, has been, and always will be. So how then can we describe a God of this breed before the creation of any creature or being to be loved? The answer is both simple and complex for as seen through scripture our God is a God of triune, three coexisting as one. Father, Son and Holy Spirt pouring out themselves wholly into the others. It is only through this concept ,I believe, we can see a God who IS Love. For it is by this agency we are able to see a God who is not selfish nor self centered but constantly giving into another. By pouring out His Spirit God pours out His love, by Christ death on the cross he demonstrates that love in a way we can understand, and by the daily grace and mercies he gives to us he shows us that He is Love. It is only through this type of love and understanding of it that we exist, and move and be who we are, that we are able believe in a God that is who he says he is and acts in the way he says he we all act . It is oh so important that we look more closely at the trinity to understand not only its necessity and veracity but the gift we receive through it, since it is this notion of a triune God that is the lifeblood of the God that we worship, a God that IS love. Although it is unlikely that we will ever, on this earth, be able to understand fully the concept of three in one we are able to glimpse in part its purpose and meaning for us, as created creatures. This love that God has for us goes beyond our simple understanding of love and is at the core of Him, it is the fundamental nature of our Creator. When we are finally able see God in this light our view of who we are in Christ can be realized as the Beloved and what a wonderful place that is to hold in the heart of our God.
My Prayer
My Prayer
I’m broken down, beat up, shredded and taped back together. My prayers are insincere my life is falling apart. The voice I want so desperately to hear is not my own in fact no longer does the reverberating sound of peace corse through my ears. My sin has led to me to a place of regret and anger, yet my pride keeps me at bay. When I stopped searching it was a slow fade away from glory and yet the effect was immediate. I have seen countless others go down the same path often gawking, in awe of authenticity in their eyes, the acceptance of such a life or death decision. and yet here i am lost and drowning, a fear grips me, a terror that i can only realize in my dreams. is there a search party sent to rescue me or am i destined to be…
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I Started to Pray
So tonight I broke down and I started to pray that the Lord would make these feelings go far far away. This awareness it hit me like the thunder of an oncoming storm, it was nothing like I had ever felt before. I tried to attribute it to this emotional roller coaster ride I call life, but alas it was a false place for its explanation to abide. So I got on my knees and I started to pray, rather I began to recount how far I had strayed. I looked back on my life, accounting it’s worth and came to the grand total of nil, nothing, dirt. Yet worse then that was the emptiness I felt, the pain ridden person no one could see, the person that was truly me. The times I had debated was it worth it to go to bed that night or would it be better for me if I ended it? As long as I was out of sight? These thoughts swarmed my head and began to make the day look like midnight. Could I really say that I had come so far? Can growth really be measured in counting your scars? Is the number of blunders that I can recount make me even question the answer to my doubt ?
So tonight I broke down and I started to pray. I went out to nature and began this way. “Lord I don’t know where I am supposed to go I don’t even know where I was supposed to have been. Do you see me, could you even be proud?” But the answer I perceived was only a frown. I set there and cried pouring out my heart and soul trying to fill this voiding black hole. I cried out for answers and I explained all my pain as I set there outside and started to pray.I told him I knew that my life wasn’t right that it was actually quite a pitiful sight. I wept out my longings and as I gasped for air, my heartaches beset me and I fell through the air. The only cry I could muster was the sound of my breaths forced escape as my soul hit the ground of its sewers grate. Lord what has happened to my precious life? The years have passed by and I am still filled with strife. I don’t know where I am going or who I will meet but I am so tired of waiting because all I do is think. Think of the future, think of my mate, worry constantly of the things I cannot regulate. God I need to know, I need to hear so clearly the person I am supposed to be. Please God, oh please hear the cries of my heart. As I break down tonight and I have started to pray please, oh please Lord show me your way!
☔️Rain, Rain Go Away☔️…🌇…☔️Come again another day☔️& ⚽️Futebol!!!⚽️
Once again this week has been amazing. Although filled with little rapid activity this week has been one of exploration of a new part of the city and relaxation with a hint of learning! On Monday I headed out deeming this day the day of pain! Why you may ask, well it is the day I had chosen to got suffer through a waxing (and I am not talking about my eyebrows!). So I rolled out of bed at the reasonable hour of 1000 and got ready, popped a few ibuprofen to help out with the oncoming pain and began my fateful walk. The salon is a good 15 minute walk from here so I had time to psych myself up which actually consisted of calming my self down. I was saying mantras in my mind such as “10 minutes of pain, weeks of lazyness” and “Its not that bad! Just relax! It will be a story to tell!” but as I approached the Salon I realized that they were closed! Closed, but I had done so much mental preparing! So I just continued my walk a couple more blocks to the grocery store and bought some Pizza and Guava juice (which if you do not know is one of the few elixirs of the gods) and headed back to the hostel. Being that it was quite a drizzly day I decided to see if the book exchange had any good books but ended up settling for the only book in english called ’19 Minutes’ about a school shooting and the events that lead up to it and the events that followed it in the lives of the victims, the perpetrator, their families, and the law enforcement. I found a nice place in one of the many hammocks and began to read, and that is how the rest of my day until I went to bed contintued. I got a phone call right before going to sleep where my new friend Mary asked if I would like to go with her to the centre of Florianopolis on Tuesday. to which I happily agreed and set my alarm for 0700 the next morning.
Bright and early at 0830 I was bathed and dressed headed out to the car. Mary and her husband where happily waiting and we began our journey. We headed north towards the city of Lagoa and up the mountain towards the other side. We made a quick stop at a look out point where I was able to look over the whole city to see the houses, the beach, the dunes which as always was an amazing view. We then continued our journey which actually took us off the island for a bit. We stopped at the Santa Catarina Adventist Conference for Mary to pick up the Sabbath School lessons for her church and I ended up buying a Sabbath School lesson in Portuguese to add the language to another aspect of my life.
We then crossed the bridge back to the island and were dropped off at the mall. We then wondered around just window shopping stopping off in the food court to buy an Açai shake and some pizza. We then headed outside of the mall to catch a cab to our next stop. We got off at what seemed like down town and when we exited the cab we entered a park with one of the oldest trees in the state. I then took pictures of the old buildings that the portuguese used to rule from and we headed down a block to which I was greeted by blocks and blocks of stores!
When then went shopping to buy the things that Mary needed to get for her work (she makes clothing) and thus headed to fabric and crafts stores all over the city breaking the spell when we came across a chocolate shop where we stopped (at every single one) and bought some chocolate. After a long day of seeing different shops, going to the local farmers market and being chocolated out we hopped on a bus that would take us back to her house. When we walked the final blocks to her house we then waited for her husband to get home to drive me back to my hostel where I slept quite soundly.
When I woke up on Wednesday I recommitted myself to the day of pain and got up and ready to face it head on. I then headed down to the salon where I made an appointment for 1420. I headed a little further down the road to buy some juice and food to eat, headed back to the hostel, made some brunch and then headed back to the salon. I was ushered to a back room where I dropped my drawers and thus the pain comminced. But it did not in fact hurt as much here as it had the first time I had gotten it done. The reason being is that they use a different method/ wax here then they do in the states. In the states for any waxing they do they put on hot wax, layer that with a strip of fabric or paper, and then pull that off but here it is just wax that cools and then they rip off. After about 15 minutes of this process I exited the back room, now bonded with a total stranger, and got my nails done as a “hooray, I did it!” I headed back to the hostel where I picked my book back up, headed to a hammock and spent the rest of the day reading.
Thursday and Friday were both filled with cold rain showers, high wind and little sun. Days best suited for sleeping in and doing little. I made a little trip to the small market down the road for some necessities but that was my only venture outside of the hostel. Those who were at the hostel (including myself… obviously!) visited amongst ourselves. Oh and did I forget something… The World Cup started where of course we all watched Brazil defeat Croatia. Campeche was filled with the yells of the people in joy and sorrow and the nearly deafening sound of fireworks being shot off at the goals made by Brazil and at random.
Sabbath I of course headed to church and was picked up by Mary Stella and her husband to head to Sabbath School. Both church and Sabbath school went very well and afterwards I was invited once again to the same house as the week before. I happily obliged and we departed. For lunch we had Lasagna and salad with fresh Guava juice which was all very delicious. I also got to practice my speaking and listening skills as nearly 99% of the conversations were in Portuguese. I also got to hang out with the cute little dog they have. Later on in the afternoon at about 1500 the son, his girlfriend, and daughter headed off to choir practice and the rest of us went site seeing for me to take pictures. Although it was a pretty cloudy and rainy day the places were amazing and I got to learn a lot about the island and take some nice pictures. At about sundown they dropped me back at the hostel (where I should have stayed! Mom don’t read the following!).
Although it was almost dark I needed some fresh vegetables and fruits because all I had was pasta and bread and nothing actually good so I decided to make a quick run to the market. But here is the thing the little market close by doesn’t have any fruits or vegetables, the next closest market has a limited supply of these and I knew I did not want to walk all the way to the big supermarket because that was a really really long walk. So I asked if there was just a fruit and vegetable place that was closer then the super market and they said there was just walk to the Main Street and turn left “It is close” they said. So not even thinking about it I headed off (so here is tidbit of information, if you are in a country where they usually walk most places when they say it is close…. it is NOT CLOSE!) So after reaching the main road I made a left thinking the store would be right there but alas it was not so I began to walk, and walk, and walk. And you would think that being that it is dark I would have come to my sense and just turned around and gone back but no, my common sense told me your already this far it can be much further… It was! So after a good 30 minute walk I finally arrived at the store, shopped for 7 or so minutes, paid for my stuff and then headed back out. It was then and only then that I realized how dark it was, how many shady people were currently out and how far I had to walk on streets will little light and few people. At times I could smell the alcohol on people 10 feet before they even reached me I simply walked and tried to avoid eye contact with anyone. As I was about to reach a street I needed to turn on I realized that there was a group of men in front of me so I tried lagging back and hoping they would not turn down my street. They did, so I hung back a little, crossed the street and tried to remain as unnoticeable as possible. I decided to enter the little shop a few blocks down from my hostel to give them time to get far ahead of me so after browsing the small shop for about 15 minutes and only buying some bread I began the last leg of my journey with pocket knife in hand! But by the grace of God I made it safely back to my hostel shortly after with no complications
Journey of One Thousand Years 